Scariest Appointment...for a moment

I went yesterday for my 12 week appointment with my OB.  Reagan is really excited about all of this and I had decided she could go with me to see what they do.  She's 6 and understands some of what is going on and I knew she would like to hear the baby's heartbeat so I let her come along.  I picked her up from school and we went to have lunch and ran some errands before heading to the doctor.  They did my urine, weighed me (GAG) and asked me a bunch of questions I've answered 2 other times that haven't changed and finally we got into a room.  We had waited a while and I had had a lot of water to drink with lunch, so I was hoping the doctor wasn't going to be poking around too much!  She got the doppler out and started looking for the baby's heartbeat.  She said sometimes it takes a while this first time so be patient, but after 2-3 minutes and nothing I was beginning to panic. Of course I didn't want to face the what-ifs of this scenerio, but most of all I had my 6 year old baby with me and how in the world was I going to explain this to her if something was wrong.  The doctor tried for a few more minutes and then said, "I think this little one is just hiding, let's go next door and take a peak with the ultrasound and make sure everything is okay."  I knew what this meant, but she sounded very calm, so I was hoping everything would be okay.  In my head I'm completely freaking out thinking I know we will see the baby, but if there is no heartbeat I'm going to have to explain to Reagan what has happened while keeping my own emotions in check...how on earth will I do this?  I said a little prayer and we walked next door.  I said another little prayer as I laid down on the table.  There is a happy ending to this story as our little baby is doing just fine and the heart was fluttering away, but I can assure you I've never been so scared for a few minutes in my life.  I guess these moments make you realize how much you really want something and how very much you love your children.  I was way more worried about Reagan and her reaction than about myself, all I could think about was her.  In the end apparently my bladder had filled back up and it was pushing the baby back making it hard to get to with the doppler, no big deal, thank goodness! 

Feeling Sluggish

These days my mornings are going kind of rough.  I'm battling the morning highs of pregnancy.  If I sleep in, I do great, but if I get up before 10AM I'm doomed for the first few hours of the day.  I woke up this morning at 7 to get ready for work and by 8 my blood sugar was 240...with no breakfast.  I've adjusted my insulin, I've tried skipping breakfast...at this point short of just sleeping until 10 every day I don't know what to do!  It's frustrating, but as I always say, this is my life and it's what I have to do...and so I press on.  Like this little turtle, I'll keep fighting!  Maybe my tight control the rest of the day will keep me from  having a 12 lb. baby! 

Traveling with a pregnant diabetic, an EPIC event.

So this past week I went to Madison, Wisconsin for Epic training.  Epic is the electronic medical record that is sweeping the nation and happens to be what my hospital has chosen as ours.  I'm at that awkward stage of pregnancy where my clothes are tight, but maternity clothes are big, so packing was a challenge.  Then there are the pump supplies, the sensor supplies, the lancets and chemstrips, the glucose tablets and the hope that nothing will happen while I'm in a hotel room alone that I can't handle.  Needless to say my bags were full!  So, on Tuesday night when my pump beeped at me I was armed with everything I needed to treat a low...or a high...and then the alarm told me low battery.  Crap, the one thing I forgot were the trusty AAA's.  Generally when I get this warning, I have days before I actually have to change it, so I didn't worry.  I knew the shuttle driver would run me by Walgreens the next day if needed.  We ate our dinner and went back to the hotel to get ready for bed.  What I didn't expect was another alarm at 3:15 in the morning...this time telling me that my pump was "Off NO Power".  This is not good...definitely not good!  So, in my sleepy stupor I knew I had to do something.  I called the front desk and told them I had a weird question and really needed a AAA battery.  Did they perhaps have one around or maybe in a vending machine that I could buy?   I explained that I needed it for my insulin pump and that if they didn't have one I would have to have someone take me to buy one before class the next morning.  I knew I could make it a few hours, but all day and I'd be dead...or at least wishing I was.  I'm sure at this point the front desk girl was thinking I was crazy...or looking for batteries for lord only knows what...I probably gave her a good laugh that night!  Anyway, she told me she'd call me back and went to look for a AAA.  She called about 5 miutes later and had in fact located the battery!  She even offered to bring it up to my room.  Maybe she thought I was in a state where I shouldn't come down...who knows...however, I thought it was really kind and thanked her.  Now that is service with a smile!  I changed my battery and went back to sleep. 
Class was good, I learned a lot.  My baby bump is growing and I'm officially unable to wear normal clothes as I quickly approach 12 weeks.  Luckily my low battery was the worst problem I had on this trip, so all in all I think we're doing okay.

Cheesburger and an Ambulance

As I started home from work yesterday I felt a little icky, checked my blood sugar and realized it was getting low.  Then my pump beeped at me that it was dropping...good timing...couldn't you have told me this before I left work?  My glucose tablet container was empty and I wasn't near any place to stop so I continued on.  I thought I would just stop at the McDonalds that was on the way and grab something to help rather than waiting until I got all the way home.  I of course wasn't thinking straight and was foggy brained, so I kept driving until I got to the McDonalds.  I was talking on the phone with a friend, I told him I was low and stopping, and I guess he noticed that I was starting to not make sense.  So, I got off the phone, ordered some food, pulled up to the window to pay and my phone rang again.  It was Robby.  He asked me if I was at McDonalds and low...now in my foggy head stupor I wondered how in the world he knew this...turns out Timothy had called him worried.  So I pull up to get my food and the lady hands me the wrong order.  I looked at her like she was crazy, she realized what she did and changed it out, all while Robby was listening.  This wasn't helping my case at all as he thought I wasn't making sense and must have done something wrong.  He told me to pull up to a parking spot and stay there, he was on his way.  I did as instructed...luckily...you have no idea how lucky that is because listening amid a dangerous low like that is not at the top of my functioning priorities.  So I sat in the parking spot like a good girl and ate my cheeseburger.  Now, I should have ordered a coke, but I didn't...again, thinking straight wasn't happening here.  A coke or sprite, something with sugar would have worked quicker than a burger that had to be digested...but when you have very little sugar going to your brain it just doesn't work right.  I think I sat there for a few minutes and then called Robby back to tell him I was ready to go home.  He told me not to move, he had called 911 and they were coming to check on me.  He said that he would be there in a minute, but he wanted to make sure I was alright, I scared him.  I couldn't decide in that moment if he was serious.  I was thinking I did the right thing by stopping, why on Earth would you call 911 now?  Then I heard a siren...and realized this was really happening.  Again, low as hell at this point and not thinking, I started to pull out of my parking spot.  I guess I was thinking run away and they won't see you...I started to back up and a firetruck pulled up behind me, so I started to go forward and an ambulance pulled up in front of me...they had me cornered!  I thought sure I was being taken to jail or something.  I'm in a busy parking lot, surrounded by people and my car has just been cornered by medical professionals.  What can you do now but sit there like a good girl?  And so I did.  One paramedic walked up to the car and asked me how far along I was at the same time as the EMSA driver walked up.  He laughed later telling me he sure hoped I was pregnant because that would be really bad!  I said I'm 11 weeks and he asked me if I was feeling okay.  He said my husband had called and wanted them to check me out.  They did a fingerstick and the meter registerd "LO" which means your blood sugar at this point is below 20.  I knew I was in trouble and not getting out of this one with my faking I was okay.  I had beads of sweat across my forehead at this point and they escorted me to the ambulance.  They told me they would park my car and go ahead and have a seat.  I did as instructed, probably while rolling my eyes.  I was so embarrassed I thought I would surely like to just run and hide at the moment!  In just a few minutes Robby arrived and they had him go inside and get me some orange juice as well.  At this point my cheeseburger was doing us no good.  I drank the juice and waited.  About 10 minutes later they checked again, 65, more waiting, 10 more minutes 78, 5 more minutes, and I was 89.  They said they were surprised how intelligent I actually sounded as low as I was, I was answering their questions pretty accurately.  I remember a good portion of the whole experience, but sort of wish at this point that I didn't!  They let me sign a form once I was okay that I didn't want to go to the hospital and Robby drove me home.  I was mortified, but this is my life...I mean, everyone has their issues, right?  After all of the excitement I was fine, other than a bruised ego.  I ran very high the rest of the night and felt wiped out, which a bad low and high rebound will do to you.  I'm really scared.  I'm only 11 weeks pregnant and I have a long way to go.  The lows aren't dangerous to the baby...unless I get in a wreck or die, which obviously I don't want to happen....but the highs are dangerous and scare me worse.  I'm stuggling already and it sucks.  I just want to quit.  Today I wish I could get rid of diabetes.  I'm tired and don't want to do this anymore :(  Too bad quitting is not an option, so on we go!  Tomorrow is another day.

Buffet Pants

At 10 1/2 weeks of pregnancy I've decided it's time to break down and break out what my husband has lovingly termed my "buffet pants".  We all swear those elastic waistband pants are horrid and we will never want to wear them until it's time...and then we breath a huge sign of relief!  My ever expanding waist thanks me today for the stretchy comfort that is elastic!

The problem of the day...where to put my insulin pump?  I prefer to wear my pump in my pocket like the 1990's pager and a lot of maternity pants are lacking in the front pocket department.  So, I'm left with clipping my pump along the elastic waistband leaving a permanently imprinted pump in my side.  I won't complain about this though because at least I can breath again...it was getting rough in those button ups!   

Starting a blog...

I picked a fine day to decide to start a blog.  As any type 1 diabetic knows, being creative in the midst of a high blood sugar just doesn't come naturally.  So as I was searching around for names and trying to fill out my information my new CGM beaped it's annoying little beap to alert me that my numbers were climbing.  Why?  I cannot tell you at this moment...but this is my life.  Perhaps I miscalculated my carbs with dinner, or ate too much chocolate ice cream later...what?  Yeah, that was probably the problem (sheepishly I grin), but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do (a pregnant girl especially)!  So, I start my new blog with this...perhaps I am too sweet for my own good...at least tonight I know I am.  Ups and downs are part of everyone's life, but highs and lows are mine and that's why I'm here to share my life, my disease, my family and a little piece of me.