33 weeks and counting

Well, we're hanging in there...so far so good.  My blood pressure has been maintaining and even lower than it was for a while most of the time.  I feel pregnant and puffy and pretty miserable most of the time.  Not to mention we're having the hottest summer in recorded history.  It's been unbelievably hot here which isn't helping anything!  I swear I might spontaneously combust somedays.  I've been working from home when I can, which helps.  We're so busy right now there is a ton to do and a lot of it I can do remotely luckily.  I would not recommend having a baby a few months before you launch an electronic health record to anyone, it's hard work! 
The baby looked great at our last ultrasound.  It was measuring a week ahead already, but that's to be expected with as much trouble as I've had with the blood sugar.  I have another this Thursday, so we're hoping there hasn't been a big jump.  I feel the baby moving all of the time and know that it's doing well, and that's the most important thing!  We'll know more tomorrow. 
My doctor has assured me that we won't be forced to do a c-section because of size, although we have talked about it because of blood pressure.  She said if my pressure is high we can't put my body through a marathon like labor.  At this point I think it's maintaining enough that we are okay, but I know a lot can change in a few weeks.  I think she's just trying to prepare me because surgery is really not something I want to do.  I'm trying to stay positive and take it easy as much as I can without being completely immobile and it seems to be working.  I've been limiting my sodium a ton and that's really helped too, plus it's just better for me and the baby. 
We started trying to prepare for the little one, which is a lot harder than I thought it would be because we don't know the gender!  I've washed the few gender neutral clothes we have and I'm going to make bows to match in case it's a girl.  We put the crib together and just went ahead and put the boy bedding on it because it's in my son's room.  I have the girl stuff at the top of the attic stairs and it can be changed before we come home if it's a girl.  The boy stuff just matched his room and was already out so I just went with it rather than leaving an empty crib set up.  I have 2 outfits for the hospital that are gender specific that I bought and will pack.  It's just funny to plan for what you might want either way!  I guess it only matters for those days in the hospital because as soon as we come home we'll wash the boy or girl stuff and it won't matter. 
It is interesting how different things are the third time around.  I have barely shopped for this one.  With the first two I had everything set up and ready.  We had everything you could possibly need or want...I guess the older you get the more you realize what really matters.  We have what we need and we will be ready, whether we have a swing set up or not and whether or not we have a million clothes washed and folded in the drawers.  Somehow it all works out...or so I hope! 

Well, I'm over 29 weeks now and heading into the home stretch...more like being drug into the home stretch with my kicking baby and wonky blood glucose numbers.  The past week or two have been rough.  My numbers are climbing like crazy and although I feel like I'm adjusting and compensating like I should be I'm still seeing days in the 250's and then over correcting and ending up in the 40's.  I think (hope) I've gotten it into a good place, but it's seriously a day by day trial and error...and sometimes D wins.  I see the perinatologist again tomorrow and then in 2 weeks the craziness starts.  I'll be heading to the OB weekly for biophysical profiles and the hospital weekly for non stress test.  Then I'll see the perinatologist every 4 weeks for full measurement ultrasounds...oh and I continue to see my endocronologist at least once a month.  Thank goodness I have some flexibility to make this work with home, 2 kids, and 2 jobs!
My husband is a godsend.  I swear he helps so much and is so sweet and supportive with all of this.  He's starting back to school this week and I'm so excited for him!  I just hope we can hold it all together.  Nothing like throwing a little more into the mix, but we can handle it!  It's going to be interesting...but always fun!

Unexpected Surprises!

My mom asked me last night why I hadn't written on here in so long...and I'm not sure why other than my time is so limited right now and my life is completely crazy!  I have so many great things going on though.  Little Baby G is doing great.  We had our last ultrasound at 23 weeks and baby was measuring right where it should be.  We still don't know the gender and although it's hard, I do think we'll be able to stay strong!  The perinatologist commented about how surprising it is that a diabetic like me has had 2 deliveries with no c-section.  I'm hoping to make it 3!  I have a hard time with them scheduling c-sections based on the idea that the baby might be too big.  I know measurements are good and they are trying to keep track of where we are, but it really bothers me because they aren't perfect and many of our bodies can easily deliver a baby over 8lbs with no problems.  My kids were 6lb. 11oz. and 8lb. 13oz.  We did great with both, and I was a type 1 diabetic both times (obviously).  My daughter was tiny for a diabetic and I'm really glad my doctor didn't try to force me to do a c-section and then her turn out so small, I would have been really disappointed.  Now, that being said, I'm completely in support of a c-section when it's necessary, I just don't think diabetes should determine that it has to occur. 
I have a few pictures of the little one I was trying to email to myself.  I will load them if I can.  I love going to the perinatologist.  They always do the 4D and they have a big flat screen tv on the wall to watch.  It's the most amazing thing ever!
So, on the diabetes front I had a strange thing happen.  I have wanted to get more involved in things and been blogging and reading and trying my hand at some advocating and kept saying I needed some diabetic friends. All of a sudden a few weeks ago I get this Facebook friend request from the JDRF of Oklahoma.  I thought it was a little odd, I don't know that there is anything on my Facebook distinguishing me by my disease, but I gladly accepted.  Then almost immediately I get this invite and message from the leader of the group about a Type 1 Women's group starting up.  He said I should go, I'd have a really great time, etc.  So, I did ask him how he knew I was a type 1 and he said he got my name off of an advocacy list, so I guess the things I'm doing are going somewhere!  He told me his name and his role with the organization, etc.  Then he mentions the group again and says that there is another pregnant girl, a doctor who is a type 1 with a type 1 child, and a Minimed rep that will be attending.  The doctor is my doctor, and the Minimed rep and I are friends and our kids played t-ball together...this day was getting more and more weird!  So, the next time I saw my doctor she also mentioned the group and I told her about my funny experience and that I plan to be there.  I'm really excited.  I think it's great to be able to share things with other people in your situation, bounce ideas around, and just support one another.  I'm excited to meet the other pregnant girl too!  I'm sure we see the same perinatologist, or at least one of the 3 in that group, I think they're the only ones in the area. 
It's funny how you think of things and then they just happen.  My life has always sort of been that way.  My mom says it's God answering my silent prayers, Oprah says it's The Secret, and I say no matter what it is, I sure do like it!  It's nice to know that when you think good things, good things happen to you.  I'm very thankful for this chance to meet more women like me.  I will definitely update after!

A familiar place...

So, it's been forever since I've updated and I have a ton that I need to share, but I couldn't pass this moment up!  It's 5AM and I'm in Madison, WI...in the same hotel where my pump battery died and I had to call the front desk a few months ago in the middle of the night...and it just happened again...
This time I woke to a familiar beeping and a warning "low battery" and I laughed HAHAHA...this time I've outsmarted you pump :) I know I have an extra battery in my purse!  So, I open my purse and retrieve my spare AAA.  I open up the little screw top and replace the battery in my Paradigm and something happens that I've never seen before..."Failed Batt Test"...no freaking way!!!!!!!  Okay, small amount of panic and irony strike me.  Well, no big deal, the battery that was in it was low, but it was still working so I will just put it back in and ask the front desk to run me to Walgreens before class in just 2 hours.  I surely have that much life in the little little AAA that just gave the low warning a few minutes ago.  I replace the pump with that battery and again, "Failed Batt Test".  Wow...so here I am in the hotel room at 5AM with not one, but two dead AAA batteries.  Apparently you cannot put a low battery back in the pump.  So, if I had just waited until monrning I would have been fine, but no, I tried to fix the problem and now I have a completely dead pump...AWESOME!  Do I dare call the front desk again or go ahead and get ready so that I can have them take me somewhere...I'm leaning toward getting ready and going down myself.  This is seriously ridiculous diabetes irony at it's best!!!!  You are never as prepared as you think and you should make sure your back up battery isn't dead before you leave town...or have another spare I guess~LOL!!!

Our Easter Adventure

Well, we lost our ever loving minds and let the kids pick out a bunny yesterday.  This alone was an adventure.  I knew if we looked I would cave, and I was right.  First we went to the local tractor supply store that has had some and they were all sold out.  They still had some chicks, but if you know our history I nixed that REAL quick.  Robby bought us 5 right before I found out I was pregnant with Reagan and I thought I might kill him…oh the fun of being married to this Giordano~LOL! 

Anyway, the lady told us that there were always some at the Mary's Swap Meet, we should try there...interesting place, to say the least.  So we drove out to see what we could find.  There weren't very many people still out, but there was one man with a truck and cases of bunnies, chicks, duck, pigeons, and game cocks (yes in Oklahoma there is still underground cock fighting).  Side note, Robby asked the man how much the game cocks were, the man said $40-70 and then he asked why someone would buy one of those... the man said, "People like to look at them  ;)" and he literally winked at Robby.  Now my husband has on his "list" to attend a cock fight...and he thinks he's found the right person to ask.  Luckily he didn't go into that while we were on this adventure.

So, back to the bunnies, there are 3 large crates with bunnies of various sizes.  We wanted a tiny one that could grow with the kids handling it and be accustomed to our noise and playing.  So we went for the little ones that the guy said were 4-6 weeks old.  There were all different bunnies, black with a white stripe, grey with white stripes, salt and pepper and 2 tiny solid black ones.  They were so cute!  So we decided on one of those that was huddled under some others keeping warm.  This little guy literally is a little bigger than the palm of your hand.  He is all black and just snuggles right up to you.  Reagan was so excited I thought she was going to lose it!  She asked the man what we carry the bunny home in and he gave her a yellow potato sack of some sorts...I wasn't really comfortable with that, so we looked around for a box and found one luckily.  I was envisioning the little bunny pooping in the bag which was filled with small holes...yeah, mess waiting to happen.  So we headed home with our new friend in tow.  We talked about names the whole way and decided it needed an Easter-ish name.  I think Robby suggested Jelly Bean and we all loved it.  Since we don't know if it's a boy or girl, we thought that was pretty gender neutral and cute.  Reagan has since decided it's certainly a boy...not sure why.

So we got Jelly Bean all settled in his new home and introduced him to Boomer, which went pretty well.  He is the sweetest little thing.  He hasn't tried to nip at us at all and snuggles right up to you.  If you pet his head and back he closes his little eyes and even fell asleep on me last night.  He is precious!

So, after we got the kids and Jelly Bean all tucked in for bed, Robby and I filled their little eggs with candy and got baskets and everything ready.  We hadn't watched the weather, but there had been a chance of rain for like 4 days.  It has been cloudy and icky, but no rain yet.  I asked what Robby thought about the eggs and he said, "they're plastic, I'm sure it will be fine if they get sprinkled on...let's just put them outside."  Apparently we should have watched the weather prior to doing this...but we didn't.  So at about 1:30 we hear knocking this noise and I realize it's thunder.  I jump out of the bed and tell him we have to get the eggs.  If it rains badly some of the stuff will surely be ruined, and if it's still raining in the morning that won't be any fun for the kids.  So out I go in my pajama pants in the dark as it's starting to sprinkle on my head.  Robby comes behind...in boxer shorts and we are running around the yard frantically trying to pick up eggs as it's starting to rain on us!  I literally just started cracking up laughing.  I'm sure we looked like fools, luckily I hope no one was looking.  Oh, and did I mention it was dark?  LOL!  We had our own Easter egg hunt, half naked, in the dark at 1:30 in the morning!  Seriously?  Only me!  LOL!!!!  It was hysterical though and we got in just in the nick of time!  Then the bottom let out!!!  I'm so glad we decided to grab them rather than leaving them out though, and we got a great laugh at ourselves in the meantime.  Oh the things we do for our kids! 

At any rate, I hope everyone had a Happy Easter and didn't get stuck in the rain in their underwear  ;) someone might think you were crazy or something! 

My D Day

So I feel off of the wagon with the writing challenge.  Life has been busy and as hard as I tried, I just couldn't keep up everyday, although I'm proud of myself for trying!  I have enjoyed reading the thoughts of other bloggers on various issues. So, today I'm writing about me and my diagnosis.  Today is my diabetes diagnosis day…
It's been 16 years today since I was diagnosed with a life changing illness, 16 years since I could eat without counting a carb or injecting myself with insulin, 16 years...  I was 15...if you do the math that means more than half of my life has been spent poking and sticking and testing and bleeding...I can't believe I've been this way more than half of my life!  I ran some numbers and with an average of 4 test strips a day (I know I'm underestimating especially now with 3 pregnancies and testing 8-10 times a day) I've used more than 23,360 test strips.  With an average of 50 units of insulin a day (again I'm estimating, at the end of pregnancy I'm triple that a day at least) I've used more than 284,800 units of insulin. Since starting on a pump at 18, I've used an estimated 1581 infusion sets and reservoirs.  My insurance company loves me…don't you think?   
So, I was 15 years old and I had been going through some weird stuff.  I kept telling my mom that my boobs were shrinking, which she laughed at of course.  What 15 year old has incredible shrinking boobs (if I could figure out how to do that now I'd buy into it, definitely not the case today at 20 weeks pregnant!)...turns out I had lost about 15 pounds, which on a tall thin 15 year old was a lot and contributed to my shrinking boobs.  I wasn't obsessed with weight at the time and didn't even realize it.  I told her that I thought we should get my eyes checked, it was really weird but sometimes when I was walking down the hall at school people had this hazy fog around them...but it would come and go.  She thought that was odd, but took note and told me we'd go see the eye doctor.  I had never had vision problems, but it was a possibility.  I had days where I couldn't focus, days where I studied and knew information for a test and got to class and blanked out.  I had days where I wanted to do nothing but sleep and couldn't pin point what was wrong or why I felt bad, I just did.  In those few months before diagnosis, I was so thirsty all of the time.  I was proud of myself for drinking so much water, I craved it...there was nothing so delicious, and it's good for you!  It made sense that I was getting up to pee 6 or 7 times a night because I was drinking gallons of water a day, there was nothing weird about that...right?  Then I got a yeast infection...gross...I was 15 and thought this was the worst thing ever to happen to me (if only)...treated it and two weeks later I got another one.  At this point my mom thought there must be something else going on, so she called the doctor and took me in.  They did a pelvic; again, at 15 I thought this was the most horrible thing I had ever been through and again...if only...it got worse.  They took a urine sample, came back in the room and asked what I'd had to eat or drink today.  I told them we had a party at school, and I ate a cupcake and some punch, but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary.  They said I was spilling a lot of sugar in my urine and told my mom we should go get some blood work done immediately...and then they mentioned the word diabetes.  My mom looked like she was going to choke.  Her own mother had type 2 and had a lot of horrible complications which contributed to her death just 4 years prior to this, but that was really our only experience with diabetes.  I felt great that day and thought there was probably some mistake.  Nothing serious could be wrong with me, right?  My mom knew otherwise.  I'm sure she was thinking back over the past few months and realizing that I was showing all of these symptoms...she knew.  So, we went and got our blood work done and went on home.  That night I was jumping on the trampoline when my mom got a call from the doctor's office.  They told her my blood sugar in the office that day was 875 and my 3 month average was 375, they had ordered the insulin, called the endocrinologist and wanted me in their office at 9AM the next morning.  They said since I seemed okay today, they didn't think I would need to be hospitalized, unless there was any crazy turn over night, they said it's better to start dealing with this in real life if you can, and I seemed okay to do that.  Congratulations Shannon, you have a diagnosis that you can never run away from-type 1 diabetes.  My mom burst into tears and ran out of the house.  I guess she didn't want to upset me knowing what I was being sentenced to.  She went to her friend's house and came back a little later, and calmer.  I was certain at that point that I was dying, but she told me otherwise.  She was upset and the next few weeks would prove to be a trying time for sure, but she told me we could get through this, and we did...somehow. 
The next morning was the day of the Oklahoma City bombing, we were getting ready to leave the house for my first injection and crash course on diabetes.  The days that followed, our whole state was a mess and people were crying and suffering, digging through tons of rubble to try to find someone still alive.  That day 168 lives were lost, and mine was changed forever for different reasons, I felt selfish worrying about myself in those moments…but I was.  We went to the doctor and they did my first injection...in my stomach.  I thought I was going to jump off the table when they told me that, and then it didn't hurt...I was amazed...and didn't want to try a new location for weeks for fear it would hurt in the arm or leg.  Of course eventually I tried and it was fine.  People told me they could never do that to themselves, but you'd be surprised what you will do to survive.  People told my mom to be thankful her daughter wasn't buried under the building downtown.  Of course she was glad for that, but we had to grieve our own loss at the same time.  I was told it's like grieving the loss of a part of your body and it was.  There were weeks of denial and anger, depression and fear, and eventually acceptance, but that took time.  It was tough for sure.  Funny, it's been 16 years and sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday.  So, tomorrow while the country remembers the loss of those 168 people in Oklahoma City, a day no one will ever forget, I will also remember the loss of my little pancreas.  It was good while it lasted.  I had 15 years of fun with it, and have had 16 years of fun without it.  Thanks to modern medicine I can get up everyday and lead a mostly normal life and for that I am grateful. 

Day 11~Wikipedia Revision

Today's prompt told us to look at the Wikipedia of your disease and write any revisions that you think you would like to see.  Ironically, I've never read my Wikipedia page before...interestingly enough, it's very informative and helpful.  I think it has a lot of great information and would be a good start for a person just diagnosed with type 1.  I like that it says,
"Type 1 treatment must be continued indefinitely in all cases. Treatment need not significantly impair normal activities, if sufficient patient training, awareness, appropriate care, discipline in testing and dosing of insulin is taken. However, treatment is burdensome for many people. Complications may be associated with both low blood sugar and high blood sugar. Low blood sugar may lead to seizures or episodes of unconsciousness and requires emergency treatment. High blood sugar may lead to increased fatigue and can also result in long term damage to organs."
That little paragraph is very informative to me.  It says that yes, you will in fact be on insulin forever (moss growing in the Amazon isn't going to help you) and that you can lead a fairly normal life, but it's not going to always be easy.  There are complications and taking care of yourself is important...
If I was going to add more detail, I might add more about the different types of treatment, injections vs. a pump, the new continuous monitoring sensors, etc.  It does make mention of a pump at one point, but in no detail.  I have had many people question me about that being implantable or is it something I can take off, etc.  It would be nice for there to be a little more description about these different devices.  Upon looking further though, I found that there is another Wikipedia page about the "insulin pump".  Perhaps a link in the "type 1 diabetes" page to that would be helpful.  It's a great page too in fact! 
Great job Wikipedia

Day 10~Post Secret

Today’s prompt is to write down a secret that isn’t really a secret about your condition…

I have a secret…but I’m sure that anyone who knows me very well…or has ready my blog at all…knows that it’s not really a secret…however it’s something I don’t really like to admit.

I AM NOT PERFECT AND NEITHER IS MY DIABETES!

People look at me and they don’t see a sick person.  I am healthy overall.  I can do most anything that any other person my age can do.  I graduated high school, went to college, got a job, got married, pay my bills, had 2 kids, am pregnant again…I look pretty okay from the outside.  It’s what you can’t see that’s so much scarier.  You can’t always see when my blood sugar is high or low…well, until I start acting like crazy Shannon…I guess she’s noticeable.  You can’t see the damage a 250 is doing to my blood vessels or my optic nerve.  My feet are intact and my heart is pumping strong.  I look like I know what I’m doing and managing quite well…and for the most part that is true…but not entirely.  There are days that I eat and guess how many carbs are in my food.  There are days when my guesses are right on and I’m happy, and days when I’m all over the place because I had no idea how many carbs were really in that Indian buffet that my husband so loves.  Some of my life is a guessing game, a balancing act, and an odd juggling contest.  I wait for the first ball to drop.  Is the next eye appointment going to be the one where they tell me damage of being a diabetic for over half of my life is starting to catch up to me?  Is the next OB appointment going to be the one where they tell me my control hasn’t been good enough and the baby is in distress or has gained a little too much weight?  Is my blood pressure going to start climbing or am I going to start to have tingly feet? 

It’s funny because people look at me and they don’t see a sick person.  They see a person who copes and deals and usually knows what she’s doing and talking about.  People think that I handle it all really well and keep smiling and counting and doing what I do.  People think my family is fortunate that I’m the one that was diagnosed because I am a perfectionist and I am going to always do my best to take care of myself…but they’re wrong.  I’m not perfect and neither is my diabetes.  It has its good days and its bad days…but perfection is only something I could dream of.  It’s a hard battle and one I often wish I didn’t have to fight.  I am a perfectionist, but I’m not perfect and I know that there are things to come and obstacles to overcome.  I wonder how I will handle those defeats if and when they happen.  Perfectionism is a gift…and a curse. 

Day 9~Health Activists Choice

Today we are to write about whatever we want...now that I can manage! 

My first thought today was about my husband and what an integral part of my life he is.  We diabetics need a strong support system.  I've wondered before how people manage living on their own with type 1...it's something I've never done.  I know people do, and I know if I had to I would...but I'm certain there would be phone calls from family and friends at predetermined times around the clock to make sure I was concious...it's just part of my life.

I met my husband in high school and we have been together since we were 20.  He's always known I was a pain in the ass, but I literally asked him before we got married if he was up for the challenge of living with this for the rest of his life...he told me he was, though I'm certain there have been moments he regretted it!
I know what it's like for me to worry about highs and lows, I know the fears that I feel, but it's also my body and I have some sense of control...well, that's a word I'm using loosly...but he doesn't have that.  I know that he has had moments of fear about me driving our kids around.  I had a horrible wreck due to a low when I was 21 and I know that thought is always in the back of his mind.  He thinks about me nursing my baby and passing out and the horrible things that can happen...it's all there in his mind day in and day out.  He does a really great job...most of the time...of dealing with it all.  It has caused some stress in our marriage, and I'm sure it will continue to do so.  A low diabetic is a difficult person to deal with.  He's been punched, yelled at, spit at, he's held me while I had a seizure and poured juice down my throat on many occasions.  A high diabetic is no ball game either.  He's given me shots, listened to me whine, gotten griped at over nothing because of my extra short fuse that day, and picked up a lot of slack when I'm feeling too lazy to do anything.  I'm not gonna lie, he's yelled back and showed his own alter ego, but all in all he takes it in stride and handles my psycho moments like a champ, and our marriage works.
     
Here's where I get all mushy, but I honestly don't know how I'd do it all without him.  My husband is my rock.  He is my support and my teammate.  He helps me when no one else can and has saved my life on more than one occasion.  I am so grateful to have him and truly appreciate everything he does...even though he probably doesn't always realize that.  I wish that everyone had their own version of him in their life...the good and the bad, because he is sweet and kind and helpful and wonderful...he's also a hell of a lot of fun and pretty good to look at if I do say so myself!  I love him!  He is a necessary diabetic accessory for me! 

Day 8~Write a poem where every line is a health question...

What is a low?
Does it make you slow?
How about a high?
Do you feel like you will die?
What is this disease you say?
Do you think about it everyday?
What is that pump you wear?
Does it mean you don't have to care?
No?  You still have to worry and test?
That's the pits, do you make it the best?
Can you still have lots of fun?
Oh yes I can and I have a ton!

Well...that last line isn't a question, but there you go!

Day 7~Leave your health a text or voicemail

My first instinct about leaving my diabetes a text or voicemail is about being mean to it...but that's not really in my nature.  I try to be more of a positive influence, always seeing the good in people and things.  So, then I started thinking about nice things I could say to diabetes...thank you for not taking my life, yet...thank you for the great people I've met and the determination you've taught me...even though you're not a great listener, I feel like we're communicating pretty well right now, let's keep it up...but none seem quite right.  It's like picking out the perfect card for that certain someone when you just don't know what to say.  I'm stumped...anyway, here's what I came up with...

"Hey D, it's me Shannon.  I know it's been a while since we've really had a heart to heart and I'd like to catch up.  I feel like you were really angry with me when I first got pregnant, but after much hard work I think we've come to an understanding.  I'd like to try and keep it that way.  We all do so much better when we can get along.  I know that you want a happy home to reside in and my body isn't going to be happy if you tear it down.  Anyway, thanks for cooperating, I appreciate it.  I'll be talking to you soon when we hit another pregnancy wall and have to have another CTJ meeting.  Until then, stay strong and carry on!"

*a CTJ is what I lovingly call a Come To Jesus Meeting

Day 6~I write about my health because...

I just recently started a blog after reading many others.  I loved the inspiration they showed me and felt the desire to share myself and my story as well.  I loved that someone else was talking about how I feel on a daily basis and knew what I went through.  I thought it was a very therapeutic way to get my own feelings out and if someone else found support and a friend in me like I had in those I had been reading, that was just an added bonus!  I didn’t realize how big this group was until I got in…and I’m just on the surface right now!  I guess the main reason I blog is for me, for my own version of therapy and healing…and then for the feeling of being a part of something.  I don’t have many type 1 friends, so it’s really great to read what someone else says and know exactly what they are talking about. 

Since I started I’ve found so many ways to help and get involved, ways to really advocate for my disease.  There are a lot of things that you forget about when you are living with this every day.   People don’t look at us a sick or suffering and there is a lot of advocacy needed to move toward a cure.  A cure for Type 1 has been talked about for longer than I have been afflicted with the disease and I think sometimes because we have a treatment that we can in fact live with, we get overlooked.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad that I have insulin and a pump and a glucometer, etc.  I’m so glad that I can live a semi-normal lifestyle with this disease, but that still doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve a cure.  Just because we can treat it, doesn’t mean it’s gone and I think sometimes people forget that.  We still face this disease every single day.  Every day I wake up and check my blood sugar…at least 6-8 times a day since I’m pregnant.  I count my carbs, inject myself (with a needle or through my pump) with insulin, I deal with highs and lows and mood swings and sweats.  I get blurry vision and worry about the chance of me causing an accident or worse.  A treatment I appreciate, more than anyone could know, but a cure…man, what a miracle. 

So, I write for me and for all of those others that are dealing with this every day.  I write hoping that someday one of us can make a difference, to one another or even to the world as a whole…   

Day 5~A Health Haiku

I am so not a poetic person, especially fancy ones like the Haiku…write a poem with only 3 lines, a certain number of syllables in each line (5/7/5) and make it meaningful and make sense…seriously?  Who made this up?  But I’m in it and so here I go! 

Actually in my investigation about a Haiku I learned that in the Japanese tradition a Haiku is 17 moras (or on), not syllables, but since I don’t know Japanese or what moras are…I’ll stick with the English version and count my syllables…

Our disease makes us
 sick without showing itself.
Diabetes, yuck!

Insulin, needles,
Meters, Pumps and CGMs
Things I need each day.

My head feels heavy
Glassy eyes, heavy fog, oops
Time to eat a snack.

That’s all I’ve got.  As I mentioned…not a poet!  I feel silly even posting these, so I added some pictures for a little help!

Day 3~Write your own health question & answer

It's funny, it's usually easy to talk about the funny questions people ask you and how they make you feel...until you're asked to do this yourself!
I touched on some in my last blog with the questions not to ask a parent of a diabetic video, so I thought with this one I'd take an approach to more of what applies to my current life situation.

Q:  Should you have kids since you are diabetic?

A:  I'm pregnant with my 3rd child...I sure hope it's okay!  Steel Magnolias is not the tell all when it comes to diabetes and pregnancy.  Shelby, the character in the movie, had serious complications and was told by her doctor not to get pregnant.  I on the other hand have avoided serious complications so far and have not been told that by my doctor.  My heart, kidneys and eyes are in good shape at this point.  We are being watched really closely and hopefully everything will go well, but thank you for your concern.

Q:  Will your kids have diabetes too?
A:  I sure hope not, but that's not up to me!  There are some increased risks that a child of a type 1 will end up with diabetes, I actually blogged about it just the other day here.   However, there are also tons of people who are diagnosed with no family history (me for example).  I certainly hope that no one thinks that I subjected my kids to this impending doom on purpose or something! 

And my personal favorite question and answer from the above video...

Q:  Should you eat that?

A:  There are only two things I cannot eat, poison...and cookies...made with poison. 

Day 2~Abstemious...what?

So, day 2 of the HAWMC Challenge is the new word of the day post.  Go to a dictionary or dictionary website and write a post relating your disease to the word of the day.  So, I went to dictionary.com and found today's word:

abstemious

\ ab-STEE-mee-uhs \  , adjective;

1. Sparing in eating and drinking; temperate; abstinent.

2. Sparingly used or consumed; used with temperance or moderation.

3. Marked by or spent in abstinence.

...and here we go!

There is a lot of misunderstanding about food when it comes to diabetes.  There is a difference in type 1 and type 2 and mine cannot be controlled with diet and exercise.  I don't have to limit what and when I eat for the most part.  People think that I have this disease because I ate too many sweets as a kid, or that since I have this disease, I should remain abstemious of anything with sugar, etc.  I've even had people ask me, "should you have that cupcake?"  Should anyone?  Probably not, but is it any worse for me than you...probably not.  I wear an insulin pump and count how many carbs I eat.  I can eat a cupcake, piece of cake, bowl of ice cream or pasta as long as I know how many carbs are in it and adjust my insulin accordingly.  Now, I know I shouldn't eat these things daily, or sustain on them alone, but neither should anyone else.  Remaining somewhat abstemious is always a good thing, especially if I want to remain healthy and keep my already failing body in tact, but it's not going to kill me to eat a cupcake today either.  I wish that there was more knowledge and understanding about diabetes, especially type 1.  There aren't as many of us and society's knowledge is lacking for sure.   Speaking of that, I saw a funny video recently on YouTube. This is a little spoof on the stupid questions parents of Type 1 diabetics sometimes get...even as an adult, I still hear them and yeah...knowledge is power!  Enjoy!

What NOT to say to the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic

Type 1 Diabetes~The Acrostic Poem

So, I'm new to this whole blogging thing, but have been following a few fellow D bloggers for a while.  I saw a link the other day about April being Health Activist Writer's Month and the folks at Wego Health have issued a challenge!  I decided it might be time for me to try a little challenge, so here I am...starting 2 days late, but that's okay...we can catch up and do this!

Day 1's Challenge-Health Acrostic~write an acrostic for your condition or the word HEALTH. 
I think I'll give that a try, so here we go! 

This disease is called diabetes,
You know there are different kinds?
Pumping is my way of life
Even though it's a trying time.
1 dream that someday there will be a cure,
Diabetics could live without fear.
It could happen with enough advocacy
And talking into the right ear!
But as for now we pump and test
Eat like we should and
Take this disease with the best!
Everyday hoping tomorrow will be better,
So support your diabetic friend with a congressman letter!

I found a link to this letter written by the JDRF asking congress to support the artificial pancreas by signing the letter to the FDA Commissioner for clear guidelines to begin outpatient trials.  You don't have to be a diabetic to do this.  The letter is written for you, all you need to do is fill in your name and information and it will be emailed to your local congressmen and women! 
Here is a link to more information on the artificial pancreas as well if you've never heard of it! 

Thanks!!!!

Thigh High and a Low Blow

So I moved my pump site to my thigh last night...and it's an interesting adjustment.  I think I like it actually.  I haven't noticed it at all and my numbers are really no different than normal, so I think it's a good break for my pin cushion of a belly and a great spot for me to be able to keep the belly free for scanning next week!
I had a doctor's appointment today with my endocrinologist.  It went really well.  She's also a type 1 and has so much insight and understanding.  My a1c was 6.4, which means a 3 month average of 127.  It's not perfect, but it's a good big picture.  I told her how worried I'd been about the highs I've had and she assured me that they might spike up, but it's the sustaining highs that are dangerous to me and the baby, and I'm not experiencing that.  She said at this point the baby is developed and now it's just about monitoring growth.  I am at a higher risk of things being wrong, but there is risk for people who are completely normal and  healthy too, we just hope everything is okay.  I'll take that and hope that if there is something I won't beat myself up too much...I'm not making any promises though! 
I mentioned to her my recent obsession with reading blogs of other type 1's and how much information I've found...both good and bad.  I told her that I might have been stupid before...or naive...but I never realized how common it is for a type 1 to have a child that is also a type 1.  There is a study at a local pediatric endocrinologist where they test for the antibody that is found in kids before they develop it.  They do this study with siblings and children of type 1 diabetics.  I opted out when my kids were little because I didn't want to live in fear of something that we know could happen anyway, but I never realized how high the risk really is.  So, my docs little boy...type 1.  She told me about their experience and I think I've changed my mind.  They now offer a trial where if you test positive for the antibodies, they can give you this insulin pill (think of it as an allergy shot) to try to get your body to stop developing those antibodies and hopefully in turn prevent the disease.  Her son did this and then ended up with the disease, but they found it before he ever had a sign or symptom.  I think that time is precious and I guess I'd rather actively try to prevent it, or even catch it early rather than waiting until it's life threatening and doing damage which is what many of us experience.  I'm going to call the office tomorrow and get my kids into the study.  They may be completely fine and never had a single antibody, but I think I'd rather be aware and prepared than just waiting for them to start losing weight, drinking tons of water and wetting the bed to find out.  I also told my sister about it, who is probably now freaking out at her statistic...it's not a great one either!  However, I think knowledge is power and if we can be prepared and proactive, we can do anything!  
Here are some statistics I found online.  I'm amazed...and glad I'm not the father of my kids right now because that ups their risks even more (sorry guys).

• If an immediate relative (parent, brother, sister, son or daughter) has type 1 diabetes, one's risk of developing type 1 diabetes is 10 to 20 times the risk of the general population; your risk can go from 1 in 100 to roughly 1 in 10 or possibly higher, depending on which family member has the diabetes and when they developed it. 
• If one child in a family has type 1 diabetes, their siblings have about a 1 in 10 risk of developing it by age 50. 
• The risk for a child of a parent with type 1 diabetes is lower if it is the mother — rather than the father — who has diabetes. "If the father has it, the risk is about 1 in 10 (10 percent) that his child will develop type 1 diabetes — the same as the risk to a sibling of an affected child," Dr. Warram says. On the other hand, if the mother has type 1 diabetes and is age 25 or younger when the child is born, the risk is reduced to 1 in 25 (4 percent) and if the mother is over age 25, the risk drops to 1 in 100 — virtually the same as the average American. 
• If one of the parents developed type 1 diabetes before age 11, their child's risk of developing type 1 diabetes is somewhat higher than these figures and lower if the parent was diagnosed after their 11th birthday. 
• About 1 in 7 people with type 1 has a condition known as type 2 polyglandular autoimmune syndrome. In addition to type 1 diabetes, these people have thyroid disease, malfunctioning adrenal glands and sometimes other immune disorders. For those with this syndrome, the child's risk of having the syndrome, including type 1 diabetes, is 1 in 2, according to the American Diabetes Association (ADA).

Itchy Belly!!!

My belly itches like crazy today...it's not enough that I always have some itching from the adhesive on my infusion site and then the tape I have to use to keep my CGM in place...now I'm stretching and dry too!  I need lotion and will surely slather it on when I get home, careful not to bother my other devices. 
Speaking of those devices, I have my first "big" level 2 ultrasound on Monday with the high risk OB.  I have to remember to move these things around so that I don't get goop in them either...I'm not sure my sensor would like that, although it might help my numbers out...you never know!  Things to think about!  I found this picture of alternate site locations...

It's funny, I've worn a pump for 13 years and have almost always used my stomach...I guess we get stuck in a rut.  So I'm thinking that this week I will go for an alternate location and see what happens.  Heck, it might even help my numbers do better.  Maybe my arm or thigh would absorb better than my flabby overused belly! 
I'm excited at a thorough peek at the little one, but nervous at what they might find.  The blood sugars have been far from perfect and I know the risks and complications associated with it.  We have also decided that we don't want to find out the sex of the baby, something most people think we're crazy for doing, and that's going to be really hard!  Of course we both want to know, I mean, who doesn't...but I think it would be so much fun to be surprised!  This is going to be a challenge...I'm pretty sure Robby thinks I'll give in and find out, but I'm standing strong!  As long as they don't accidentally show me something, we're good to go!!!!

The more you read, the more you fear!

I've never really feared my children winding up with diabetes...call it stupidity maybe...I don't know.  I know there's a risk, but I guess I didn't realize it was all that common. When Reagan was born they were doing a study at the pediatric endocrinologists office I had gone to as a young adult (from about 15-20) that tested for antibodies that predetermine diabetes.  I opted out of the study.  I was afraid that we would all wait on pins and needles for something that we know is a chance anyway.  I didn't want to wait until the test came back positive and then everyone be freaking out about what might happen.  I also thought we are very well aware of the signs and symptoms of diabetes and if she started showing them we would certainly have her checked out.  I talked this over with my pediatrician and  he was fine with my reasoning and understood. 
So, since my recent obsession with diabetes blogs I've learned just how common it is for someone with Type 1 to have a child with it as well.  I don't know that it's THAT common, but it is something I've seen and read about several times that has opened my eyes to the reality that it can and does happen.  There are several families with a mother or father that has T1 and a child also been diagnosed.  It's an eye opening thought.  It's one thing for me to have diabetes.  It's scary to know that you are at risk from varying blood sugars, or that during pregnancy that high after lunch could be affecting your little one, but it's quite a different thought that they could experience the same crap at such a young age that is my daily life.  I was diagnosed at 15, and frankly feel like I was pretty lucky.  Some of these kids are 8 or 6, or even 3.  I read today about a little girl who was only 9 months old when diagnosed (her dad is also a T1).  I can't even imagine how scary that would be for a parent.  Of course as I read their stories I have tears streaming down my face!
So now being pregnant I'm trying to remind my hormones that this doesn't have to happen to us...but they are telling me otherwise.  Pregnant women should not be allowed to read the internet!!!  I know better!

A positive twist

There is certain about of emotional baggage that comes along with being a Type 1 diabetic.  We all go through denial, anger, depression, and acceptance.  It’s sort of like mourning the death of your pancreas in the beginning, and just like with death eventually you feel a little better…but it never ends.  There are always those days where you feel all of those emotions.  I guess that’s typical of life these days for anyone though, even if they aren’t suffering from a life threatening illness.   I’m probably outing myself here.  I often have people say things to me like they don’t understand how I handle this so well...how I’m always so strong…how I just seem to know what I’m doing.  In reality, I feel like a mess most of the time.  I have my moments where I burst into tears, scream and cry, threaten to throw my pump out the window and just eat a gallon of ice cream…but then I come back to reality and realize that’s not going to help anyone.  I had one of these moments this week.  I literally burst into tears at 4AM after my pump beeped at me for the 5^th time that night.  I told Robby I just wasn’t sure I could do this, I was certain our baby was going to be 12 pounds at birth and I was for sure going to be blind in no time.  Thank God he is so sweet and understanding and let me have my moment and told me everything would be okay….and he’s right.

Today I watched a video about Nick Vijicic, the man who was born with no arms or legs.  If you’ve never seen him, Google it, he’s unbelievable.  Who am I to complain about a malfunctioning pancreas…this man has no arms OR legs!  However, he is positive and happy and loves his life…and so am I!!!  What’s a little faulty pancreas in the grand scheme of things?  I’ve been blessed with an awesome pink pump (pink goes with everything right), a new sensor that can predict when my blood sugar is rising or falling (annoying beeps yes, but worth the life saving side effects), a great team of doctors to help me keep my body and even carry another life inside of mine, and a support system that is unlike any other! 

 Emotional meltdowns happen.  I think they are a normal part of life, but it’s what you do with them that really matter.  I could sit in my room eating ice cream and crying or I can get up and move one step at a time, and that’s what I’m doing!  I’ve adjusted my insulin and I’m watching my carb intake.  This baby and I are going to be just fine! 

My life as a roller coaster

I had an appointment with my OB yesterday and after trying to find the little baby's heartbeat (now the size of an avocado according to my "What to Expect" app) she finally found it up a little higher than the norm.  I told her I felt like things were higher than they should be at my 15 weeks and 3 days mark and she said yeah, she agreed.  She mentioned the baby size and fluid levels and we'd see how they were measuring, etc.  I have a big ultrasound with the perinatologist in 3 weeks...but I already knew what she was saying.  Typically diabetics have bigger babies and we all know this.  It usually starts further along with poor control, elevating blood sugars, etc. but I appear to have taken a potentially early turn.  I have had more trouble controlling things and my doctors worry so much about lows that they tend to let me run a little higher and now I'm afraid I'm seeing the early consequences.  I fought the urge to just up my insulin rates around the board and chase lows all day...I am in fact wearing my sensor which warns me, but I know that's not a good idea, so I didn't.  I worried and fretted for a while last night until coming to the conclusion that I've been doing this so long I've just let go of the need to do it right.  So, I contacted a close friend who just found out she has gestational and asked her for tips she got from her nutritionalist.  I know that eating at designated times and the same kinds or amounts of foods will help both me and baby and make it easier to adjust things in the long run.  Why do we fight this so much?  My need to feel "normal" has always made it so hard for me to follow the rules when it comes to eating.  I want to be able to wake up and skip breakfast or eat a bowl of cereal or bacon and eggs and only have to adjust my insulin according to the number of carbs I eat as any "normal" person's pancreas would do.  Is that too much to ask...apparently for now it is.  So, today I gave in to the fact that I am not normal and I must follow the rules for myself and little baby avocado to be healthy.  I got up and ate a healthy breakfast consisting of about 30 carbs, and spiked up to 226, then ate a sensible lunch consisting of soup, carrots, and string cheese and spiked up to 212, then about 2 hours after lunch I was at 60.  Seriously...seriously???????  What do I have to do?  So, I ate a healthy snack and am maintaining now at 96...we'll see what happens next.  But for today, my body feels like this...

  

Milestones of a different kind

We all get excited about milestones...first words, first steps, first loose tooth...but in our house there are all kinds of different milestones to be thankful for.  About 2 weeks ago I was reading Reagan a story before bed.  We were laying there and I kept yawning thinking I was so tired I'd like to pass out...and I guess I did just that...only in the diabetic sense where my eyes are still open and I'm just not there.  Raising kids in a family with a diabetic, there are a lot of talks about the what ifs.  What to do if Mommy isn't talking, what to do if Mommy is acting funny, looks funny, etc.  There's a fine line between scaring them and making them aware that there is a problem and to take notice.  So, when they are finally aware it's a really big deal.  So, on this night, Reagan went and got her Daddy and told him Mommy isn't talking and looks funny.  He got me some juice and came right in.  We were so proud of her and praised her for noticing because in our little world this is a huge milestone!  She's finally old enough to be aware when something is wrong and even get help if she needs to.  I hate to put that pressure on my kids, but it's also a harsh reality of our lives. 

On another note, she also changed her earrings for the first time without tears, screaming, shaking or having to be sedated this week, and that my friends is a miracle in itself!!!

A Bad Day

Being a pregnant type 1 diabetic days can be rough...heck, just being a diabetic can be rough!  This morning I woke up okay, got in the shower and then heard my sensor beaping that my blood sugar is climbing "predicted high" it says.  I want to scream and throw that thing sometimes.  I know I'm high and I don't need you reminding me...I already feel like crap!  However, it is a great tool to help me monitor and keep things in control, so I wear it as much as I can.  Hormones are high and tears are flowing frequently lately.  So today I sat down and started reading some blogs of other type 1 diabetics...and more tears flowed.  Some are parents of small children, some are adults who were diagnosed when they were young, some are newbies to this debunked pancreas disease, but all of them are beautiful, motivating and inspiring people.  I can't believe I didn't find these resources sooner.  I don't have diabetic friends.  I have recently met one person, who happens to be my pump educator, because our kids played t-ball together.  But even we haven't had a chance to really hang out away from doctor's appointments and t-ball games.  I didn't know how alone I felt about it all until recently.  I mean I always get excited when I see a fellow pumper in public.  It's like we belong to a secret society and you have to give each other the pump wave or something.  I have family and friends who I can talk to, and they know some of the quirky things I say or what I'm talking about when I refer to the "bandaid smell" (insulin smells like bandaids...only way to describe it), but they don't really know what I'm going through on a dialy basis.  They don't know what a low feels like, or a drop from a 350 to 50 blood sugar.  They know I get grouchy, but they don't know the feelings inside that make me want to curl up in a hole and stay until I'm "normal" (what does that really mean?).   
I'm a complete perfectionsit by nature, so I always think if things aren't perfect that I'm doing something wrong (like my morning highs)...but I've learned that all type 1's experience this.  We all have a daily battle where things just aren't perfect and for the most part that's okay (even though your fellow nurse will ask you if something is wrong because you are low when you just ate an hour ago...no, it just sometimes happens to me...).  I feel at ease knowing that I am not alone and there are many people out there feeling what I'm feeling today.  So today my bad day is as perfect as it can be and that's okay.   

Scariest Appointment...for a moment

I went yesterday for my 12 week appointment with my OB.  Reagan is really excited about all of this and I had decided she could go with me to see what they do.  She's 6 and understands some of what is going on and I knew she would like to hear the baby's heartbeat so I let her come along.  I picked her up from school and we went to have lunch and ran some errands before heading to the doctor.  They did my urine, weighed me (GAG) and asked me a bunch of questions I've answered 2 other times that haven't changed and finally we got into a room.  We had waited a while and I had had a lot of water to drink with lunch, so I was hoping the doctor wasn't going to be poking around too much!  She got the doppler out and started looking for the baby's heartbeat.  She said sometimes it takes a while this first time so be patient, but after 2-3 minutes and nothing I was beginning to panic. Of course I didn't want to face the what-ifs of this scenerio, but most of all I had my 6 year old baby with me and how in the world was I going to explain this to her if something was wrong.  The doctor tried for a few more minutes and then said, "I think this little one is just hiding, let's go next door and take a peak with the ultrasound and make sure everything is okay."  I knew what this meant, but she sounded very calm, so I was hoping everything would be okay.  In my head I'm completely freaking out thinking I know we will see the baby, but if there is no heartbeat I'm going to have to explain to Reagan what has happened while keeping my own emotions in check...how on earth will I do this?  I said a little prayer and we walked next door.  I said another little prayer as I laid down on the table.  There is a happy ending to this story as our little baby is doing just fine and the heart was fluttering away, but I can assure you I've never been so scared for a few minutes in my life.  I guess these moments make you realize how much you really want something and how very much you love your children.  I was way more worried about Reagan and her reaction than about myself, all I could think about was her.  In the end apparently my bladder had filled back up and it was pushing the baby back making it hard to get to with the doppler, no big deal, thank goodness! 

Feeling Sluggish

These days my mornings are going kind of rough.  I'm battling the morning highs of pregnancy.  If I sleep in, I do great, but if I get up before 10AM I'm doomed for the first few hours of the day.  I woke up this morning at 7 to get ready for work and by 8 my blood sugar was 240...with no breakfast.  I've adjusted my insulin, I've tried skipping breakfast...at this point short of just sleeping until 10 every day I don't know what to do!  It's frustrating, but as I always say, this is my life and it's what I have to do...and so I press on.  Like this little turtle, I'll keep fighting!  Maybe my tight control the rest of the day will keep me from  having a 12 lb. baby! 

Traveling with a pregnant diabetic, an EPIC event.

So this past week I went to Madison, Wisconsin for Epic training.  Epic is the electronic medical record that is sweeping the nation and happens to be what my hospital has chosen as ours.  I'm at that awkward stage of pregnancy where my clothes are tight, but maternity clothes are big, so packing was a challenge.  Then there are the pump supplies, the sensor supplies, the lancets and chemstrips, the glucose tablets and the hope that nothing will happen while I'm in a hotel room alone that I can't handle.  Needless to say my bags were full!  So, on Tuesday night when my pump beeped at me I was armed with everything I needed to treat a low...or a high...and then the alarm told me low battery.  Crap, the one thing I forgot were the trusty AAA's.  Generally when I get this warning, I have days before I actually have to change it, so I didn't worry.  I knew the shuttle driver would run me by Walgreens the next day if needed.  We ate our dinner and went back to the hotel to get ready for bed.  What I didn't expect was another alarm at 3:15 in the morning...this time telling me that my pump was "Off NO Power".  This is not good...definitely not good!  So, in my sleepy stupor I knew I had to do something.  I called the front desk and told them I had a weird question and really needed a AAA battery.  Did they perhaps have one around or maybe in a vending machine that I could buy?   I explained that I needed it for my insulin pump and that if they didn't have one I would have to have someone take me to buy one before class the next morning.  I knew I could make it a few hours, but all day and I'd be dead...or at least wishing I was.  I'm sure at this point the front desk girl was thinking I was crazy...or looking for batteries for lord only knows what...I probably gave her a good laugh that night!  Anyway, she told me she'd call me back and went to look for a AAA.  She called about 5 miutes later and had in fact located the battery!  She even offered to bring it up to my room.  Maybe she thought I was in a state where I shouldn't come down...who knows...however, I thought it was really kind and thanked her.  Now that is service with a smile!  I changed my battery and went back to sleep. 
Class was good, I learned a lot.  My baby bump is growing and I'm officially unable to wear normal clothes as I quickly approach 12 weeks.  Luckily my low battery was the worst problem I had on this trip, so all in all I think we're doing okay.

Cheesburger and an Ambulance

As I started home from work yesterday I felt a little icky, checked my blood sugar and realized it was getting low.  Then my pump beeped at me that it was dropping...good timing...couldn't you have told me this before I left work?  My glucose tablet container was empty and I wasn't near any place to stop so I continued on.  I thought I would just stop at the McDonalds that was on the way and grab something to help rather than waiting until I got all the way home.  I of course wasn't thinking straight and was foggy brained, so I kept driving until I got to the McDonalds.  I was talking on the phone with a friend, I told him I was low and stopping, and I guess he noticed that I was starting to not make sense.  So, I got off the phone, ordered some food, pulled up to the window to pay and my phone rang again.  It was Robby.  He asked me if I was at McDonalds and low...now in my foggy head stupor I wondered how in the world he knew this...turns out Timothy had called him worried.  So I pull up to get my food and the lady hands me the wrong order.  I looked at her like she was crazy, she realized what she did and changed it out, all while Robby was listening.  This wasn't helping my case at all as he thought I wasn't making sense and must have done something wrong.  He told me to pull up to a parking spot and stay there, he was on his way.  I did as instructed...luckily...you have no idea how lucky that is because listening amid a dangerous low like that is not at the top of my functioning priorities.  So I sat in the parking spot like a good girl and ate my cheeseburger.  Now, I should have ordered a coke, but I didn't...again, thinking straight wasn't happening here.  A coke or sprite, something with sugar would have worked quicker than a burger that had to be digested...but when you have very little sugar going to your brain it just doesn't work right.  I think I sat there for a few minutes and then called Robby back to tell him I was ready to go home.  He told me not to move, he had called 911 and they were coming to check on me.  He said that he would be there in a minute, but he wanted to make sure I was alright, I scared him.  I couldn't decide in that moment if he was serious.  I was thinking I did the right thing by stopping, why on Earth would you call 911 now?  Then I heard a siren...and realized this was really happening.  Again, low as hell at this point and not thinking, I started to pull out of my parking spot.  I guess I was thinking run away and they won't see you...I started to back up and a firetruck pulled up behind me, so I started to go forward and an ambulance pulled up in front of me...they had me cornered!  I thought sure I was being taken to jail or something.  I'm in a busy parking lot, surrounded by people and my car has just been cornered by medical professionals.  What can you do now but sit there like a good girl?  And so I did.  One paramedic walked up to the car and asked me how far along I was at the same time as the EMSA driver walked up.  He laughed later telling me he sure hoped I was pregnant because that would be really bad!  I said I'm 11 weeks and he asked me if I was feeling okay.  He said my husband had called and wanted them to check me out.  They did a fingerstick and the meter registerd "LO" which means your blood sugar at this point is below 20.  I knew I was in trouble and not getting out of this one with my faking I was okay.  I had beads of sweat across my forehead at this point and they escorted me to the ambulance.  They told me they would park my car and go ahead and have a seat.  I did as instructed, probably while rolling my eyes.  I was so embarrassed I thought I would surely like to just run and hide at the moment!  In just a few minutes Robby arrived and they had him go inside and get me some orange juice as well.  At this point my cheeseburger was doing us no good.  I drank the juice and waited.  About 10 minutes later they checked again, 65, more waiting, 10 more minutes 78, 5 more minutes, and I was 89.  They said they were surprised how intelligent I actually sounded as low as I was, I was answering their questions pretty accurately.  I remember a good portion of the whole experience, but sort of wish at this point that I didn't!  They let me sign a form once I was okay that I didn't want to go to the hospital and Robby drove me home.  I was mortified, but this is my life...I mean, everyone has their issues, right?  After all of the excitement I was fine, other than a bruised ego.  I ran very high the rest of the night and felt wiped out, which a bad low and high rebound will do to you.  I'm really scared.  I'm only 11 weeks pregnant and I have a long way to go.  The lows aren't dangerous to the baby...unless I get in a wreck or die, which obviously I don't want to happen....but the highs are dangerous and scare me worse.  I'm stuggling already and it sucks.  I just want to quit.  Today I wish I could get rid of diabetes.  I'm tired and don't want to do this anymore :(  Too bad quitting is not an option, so on we go!  Tomorrow is another day.