There is certain about of emotional baggage that comes along with being a Type 1 diabetic. We all go through denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. It’s sort of like mourning the death of your pancreas in the beginning, and just like with death eventually you feel a little better…but it never ends. There are always those days where you feel all of those emotions. I guess that’s typical of life these days for anyone though, even if they aren’t suffering from a life threatening illness. I’m probably outing myself here. I often have people say things to me like they don’t understand how I handle this so well...how I’m always so strong…how I just seem to know what I’m doing. In reality, I feel like a mess most of the time. I have my moments where I burst into tears, scream and cry, threaten to throw my pump out the window and just eat a gallon of ice cream…but then I come back to reality and realize that’s not going to help anyone. I had one of these moments this week. I literally burst into tears at 4AM after my pump beeped at me for the 5th time that night. I told Robby I just wasn’t sure I could do this, I was certain our baby was going to be 12 pounds at birth and I was for sure going to be blind in no time. Thank God he is so sweet and understanding and let me have my moment and told me everything would be okay….and he’s right.
Today I watched a video about Nick Vijicic, the man who was born with no arms or legs. If you’ve never seen him, Google it, he’s unbelievable. Who am I to complain about a malfunctioning pancreas…this man has no arms OR legs! However, he is positive and happy and loves his life…and so am I!!! What’s a little faulty pancreas in the grand scheme of things? I’ve been blessed with an awesome pink pump (pink goes with everything right), a new sensor that can predict when my blood sugar is rising or falling (annoying beeps yes, but worth the life saving side effects), a great team of doctors to help me keep my body and even carry another life inside of mine, and a support system that is unlike any other!
Emotional meltdowns happen. I think they are a normal part of life, but it’s what you do with them that really matter. I could sit in my room eating ice cream and crying or I can get up and move one step at a time, and that’s what I’m doing! I’ve adjusted my insulin and I’m watching my carb intake. This baby and I are going to be just fine!
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