A Bad Day

Being a pregnant type 1 diabetic days can be rough...heck, just being a diabetic can be rough!  This morning I woke up okay, got in the shower and then heard my sensor beaping that my blood sugar is climbing "predicted high" it says.  I want to scream and throw that thing sometimes.  I know I'm high and I don't need you reminding me...I already feel like crap!  However, it is a great tool to help me monitor and keep things in control, so I wear it as much as I can.  Hormones are high and tears are flowing frequently lately.  So today I sat down and started reading some blogs of other type 1 diabetics...and more tears flowed.  Some are parents of small children, some are adults who were diagnosed when they were young, some are newbies to this debunked pancreas disease, but all of them are beautiful, motivating and inspiring people.  I can't believe I didn't find these resources sooner.  I don't have diabetic friends.  I have recently met one person, who happens to be my pump educator, because our kids played t-ball together.  But even we haven't had a chance to really hang out away from doctor's appointments and t-ball games.  I didn't know how alone I felt about it all until recently.  I mean I always get excited when I see a fellow pumper in public.  It's like we belong to a secret society and you have to give each other the pump wave or something.  I have family and friends who I can talk to, and they know some of the quirky things I say or what I'm talking about when I refer to the "bandaid smell" (insulin smells like bandaids...only way to describe it), but they don't really know what I'm going through on a dialy basis.  They don't know what a low feels like, or a drop from a 350 to 50 blood sugar.  They know I get grouchy, but they don't know the feelings inside that make me want to curl up in a hole and stay until I'm "normal" (what does that really mean?).   
I'm a complete perfectionsit by nature, so I always think if things aren't perfect that I'm doing something wrong (like my morning highs)...but I've learned that all type 1's experience this.  We all have a daily battle where things just aren't perfect and for the most part that's okay (even though your fellow nurse will ask you if something is wrong because you are low when you just ate an hour ago...no, it just sometimes happens to me...).  I feel at ease knowing that I am not alone and there are many people out there feeling what I'm feeling today.  So today my bad day is as perfect as it can be and that's okay.